Thursday, August 11, 2005

For the World is Hollow and I Touched the Sky

I just remembered a discussion I had on MSN with a friend that is actually in Thailand. She was freaking out because the boy she was travelling with, whom she met while planting trees, was still dealing with his old relationship. She didn't know which stance to take, being a listening, albeit jealous friend or dare to express her feelings a little more.

While giving her advice (I always was better with others problems than mine. But then, who isn't?), I realized that when you are getting out of a recent, sore relationship, you reach a point where you'll have the choice between getting over the past and embrace new possibilities or stuck to your old feelings in the slight hope that you might get that back, no matter how improbable it is.

So what I found out is that's where I am now. And I decided to forget the past. I gave it a though in the last days and I don't really feel like holding to my recomforting, if depressing feelings toward Amy. I might be wrong, I probably am, but I feel like I'm naturally getting out the no-win situation, it's not force anymore, more genuine. Thanks Laura, I guess you didn't realize the chat helped me too!

I think it is important to mention that I don't feel that way because I have a rebound, because I'm growing feelings for somebody else. It's not the case. I mean, Viky is great and all, but I'm leaving and I really don't feel anything close to love for her, mostly friendship and some physical attraction. What's great is that I learned today that she feels the same way, she would probably not even date me if we both stayed here! I first thought I would, and it worried me, but it might have been because I didn't want to take advantage of her or the situation. What I thought might be emerging feelings was probably mostly stress of not wanting to do harm or messing up. Now I actually feel much better about that. One thing resolved!

I spoke with Carolyne, she's the one who told me those details (Why? I have a theory, but I really don't care) and everything seems to be okay. She still thinks I'm a jerk in my sexual or emotional relationships, but I'm also a great friend (And I am! This was a modesty moment). It's also mostly because she was relieved to learn that Viky doesn't really care whatsoever about me. I told you that girl knew what she wanted!

I love not being loved! (Just kidding on that one...)

Oh, I had another reason to post this message, here's a link to the Toronto Star article done by a photojournalist who visited our camp, as requested by a few of you. The videos are great, they give some insight on what is life like in the bush, mostly the wake-up calls... done with a chainsaw! The photo montage is also neat, there is one picture almost identical to one I took, we actually can see my camera in his shot. There is also a picture of me in action on the dance floor...Priceless.

It was nice to see a new perspective on familiar grounds and faces. It was like seeing the buddies again. Anyway, enough ranting, here's the link.

Time to go drink with J-S!


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