Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A good ol' relationship rant

Fuck relationships!

Just kidding...but almost. Here's the situation, I've been seeing that girl I work and live with for the last 2 weeks (Yes, it's a new one...again). Seeing is almost too heavy of a word, or unprecise, but I'm not sure there would be a precise word. Basically, let's just say we are, as a friend would call it, "modern friends" (there is another expression that comes to my mind, but it's a little vulgar and again, unprecise). So, the situation is that I don't care and don't want the obligations that would come with a relationship. She's in the same place so until now, no worries. She's actually doing whatever possible to make sure we don't look, or mostly aren't being seen as "together", which is fine with me, I actually even find her efforts entertaining. The problem is that we live and work with the same people and now, everybody knows. Again, I don't care about that either, I don't care being protrayed as anything as long as I'm at ease with what's happening. The problem is that now, more and more often, she will "need" me, try to be close to me and , well, get in my space at the worst moments (read: when I'm writing, not this post, but my "serious writing"). Don't get me wrong, the girl's great, cute, funny and all. I just can't go there. The thing is, she also doesn't want anything serious but still needs somebody to fill the affection void in her life...So she's in that messed moment of a young adult girl where she wants both the excitement and possibilities of being single and the affection and reliability that comes with a relationship. She's attracted by both and therefore acts paradoxally evry 20 minutes. It reminds me of my ex, which was exactly like that at the beginning of our relationship. The difference is, this time, I don't need somebody, I don't want a relationship. Not now, I can't, I have too much to do, in too many places. Also, I'm her boss and it does, sometimes(like this morning) affect the work relationship when she's starts arguing or questionning everything. At least she's not as bad as her best friend.

Which brings me to relationship rant #2: Amy, the ex-girlfriend that keeps popping out at the very moment when, every time, I think I won't get news from her anymore. Really, it takes a little longer each time for her to reply, and it's always when I'm thinking: "This time, she won't write back" that she finally does. And every time, it's one of those paradoxal emails. I mean, yeah, I do like paradoxes, it also seems to be a main theme in my life, but I would like some people to act a little differently, sometimes. How are you supposed to react to somebody who's telling you she has been thinking about you a lot in recent times and feels nostalgic, but that will go on the next paragraph talking about her future wedding and how happy she is? Isn't she in doubt, isn't she messed up? Does she fucking knows what she wants? It's basically what happened with the last mail...again! Mah, I'll let go, what can I do. Anyway, even if I wanted her to be clearer on her thoughts or intentions, it would take two months to get a reply, which would probably need follow up, which would mean finishing talking about that topic by the time she'll give birth to her second child or something.

It's so easy to be alone, and yes, it is nice. My plans cannot be altered, cancelled, delayed or fucked up with by anyone except me. (NOTE: This statement is subject to change at any moment, without further notice in the event that "Love" is found...Hehehe)


I had to interrupt the post because Valérie, the subject of the first rant came in the office and kind of changed my mind about the whole thing...Not completely, but I'm in a better mood now. Let's just say that she found a new meaning to our "job relationship"...

I hate when my lower brain thinks for the other one.


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