Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Tupperfan's guide to win a fight:

Warning: Upon reading my post, I realized it was quite violent. Please take note that fighting should always be your last option, after negotiating, paying for a beer, offering to pay for dry-cleaning (always useful when you puked on somebody) and fleeing (yes, fleeing is usually a wise decision). Please also take note that showing your genitals/butt/middle finger or suggesting sex to the person you offended will in most cases have an immediate, negative reaction often called a "punch in the face".

If you're intelligent, you shouldn't even find yourself in situations where you have to talk or fight your way out. Also, this post is inspired by observation, not (recent) personnal action.

How to win a fight

In Banff: People being heavy drinkers up here, go for a hit in the liver. It will do the job quite nicely. Then, if needed, attack their balance.

Against Treeplanters: Usually, treeplanters are close to be in top shape. They also hang out in town in groups (It can go up to 60 people sometimes in a bar...). I might have a bias toward them but my advice would be to run: They usually have a great endurance but no resistance and they are not used to run on flat surfaces.

Against Oilsands Workers: Those guys are usually strong badass rednecks. But if you heard stories of Treeplanters/Oilsand Workers fights in Fort McMurray, I can tell you that you can knock the giants: Go for the sternum. If he's too fat for that, try to make him loose his balance, it's easier than you think, the fat ones roll easily.

Against 4 guys at the same time: Use everything that surrounds you, including your opponents to deflect each other's punches. Use clubs, sticks, the other guys bodies and throw as many efficient punches in sensitive areas as possible, as fast as possible. Your best option: Run as hell!

In Belgium: Belgian fights are crazy, avoid at any time unless you have TWO(2) packs of Bazooka gum. If so, read the jokes, they'll laugh (They are the only people on Earth genuinely laughing at those jokes), use the time to reach the Belgians weak spot: Their forearms. All you have to do then is to give them a hicky(sp?)

Okay, that's it for me, I'll try to come with other useful Youth Travel and Employment tricks in the near future.

Until then, keep out of trouble!


At 11:54 AM, Blogger Charlotte rants...

mat! fighting!!! you crazy canadians!! lol. well i'll keep these tips in mind for the next time i am in canada and run into any of the above listed ;)


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