I'm Lovin' It!
My upstairs neighbours are pissing me off: They listen to fucking techno music (I sometimes love to imagine them dancing in underwear to the rythms with lightsticks in their hands...) and they always leave their outside light open (our doors are on the same level), reflecting in my bedroom, through my shitty bamboo blinds (I had a big bamboo phase when I moved, as the girl working at the asian-themed store was cute as hell!) and right in my unsleeping face. It means I'll get upset, then enraged and won't end up sleeping until it's so sunny outside the light is not annoying me anymore.
But I'm also pissed for a lot of other reasons: My friend J-S is moving to a new appartment and he asked me to help him move on Saturday. He also asked me to bring my powertools and help him take down his bed and massive desk, as manual tasks, if it doesn't involve a video game console, are unknown to him. I don't have a powertool, so I went to my dad's house to steal his. While I was there, I dropped a my brother's tax documents and a few other items, and I forgot to bring the fucking drill I already forgot last weekend.
But of course, I had to realize this when I got back home, while my bro's laughing his ass off...
So I got back, another 50 minutes back and forth, this time with the damn power tool, a new speed record for a 1994 Pontiac Sunbird and a new appreciation for high gas prices...
Keeping on with the "good times" topic: In December, I wrote a post about my ambivalent feelings towards a resurgescent friendship with my ex-girlfriend. I decided, despite the tone of the post, to try it out and it went pretty well. We even chatted on the phone and it was fun, there was no awkwardness or heavy, past-related shit.
But tonight, she ended up reading my blog, digging quite far and finding some pretty nasty stuff (I'm still amazed at how quickly she found everything relevant to her, browsing through plenty of unrelated posts). Some of it I didn't even remember writing (A July 2005 post!), most stuff I don't even believe anymore(like that same July 2005 post...) or that I kept despite not being to fond of (like my doubtful comments on her wedding).
Here's the obvious: This blog is highly emotional, at least to my standards. I'm getting rid of bad vibes, talking about useless or very important things from my perspective, and it makes me feel better. But she made me realize it sometimes was at the expanses of others. Despite expressing myself and engaging nobody else than me in what remains highly subjective posts, I did go too far!
I have been quite irresponsible, as I used full names and described quite intimate moments and very biased assumptions. I just realized how shitty it could be if a friend or family of hers would have landed here after "googling" her name...
So, I did something I never did, I erased two posts and I edited others.
A blog is not a personal journal. If you want to expose your personal life, so be it, but you have to be cautious when it involves other people. I told her I didn't think she'd ever read my blog (she told me years ago she wouldn't never do so again), but it's not an excuse.
I still won't censor myself, I never did. But yes, I'll make sure I don't get others in my troubles.
At least, after a night of being my old self, making others sad and apologizing profusely, I can say I learned something, and that's the sole great part (That and apparently thriving in shit)!
Ironic how I keep doing stuff that will, years later, end up hurting the same person, no matter how I manage to do so. I don't find any comfort in realizing some things never change!
A proof I was not the right one for her. But I'll be happy to remain friends, if it's possible.
Time to get over it!
P.S: It's 3:23 AM, one of the neighbours just knocked on his damn door for what felt like an unreasonable amount of time, lit the light and ran through the stairs, hitting their 25 pairs of shoes, echoing in my room like the cardboard walls weren't even there! Fuming, images of my fist through their wall or floor makes me feel better while I sip my brother's table wine...Good times!