Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A Letter I'll Never Send to a Girl I Never Called Back

Hey Kat,

Tonight, while browsing my usual websites and generally wasting my time, I thought of the short time while we did so together.

And in life, there's productive waste of time, and then, there's the "I'd rather be doing anything else, even nothing at all as long as it doesn't involve the other one" waste of time!

It's mean. But that's a thing I understood: There's times in your life when anything you'll do will result in you being an asshole.

One of those moments when nothing worked. While still in the heart of the moment, everything is allright, it'll get better, it's just a rough time. But when it's over, these same things will be the other one's fault.

I'm older than you, I had more experience than you. In the end, it was obvious. I understood the situation a tad earlier...

I was honest when I told you I'd never do that, when you were afraid I'd never call back.

But it freaked me out!

And I called you back.

I really wanted to reassure you when you freaked out because the pot was too strong, getting afraid of basically everything, including my brother!

And you calmed down.

But it freaked me out!

I was really excited when I got in bed with you. It was a little robotic, there was no vibe, no instincts. We were thinking too much.

I calmed down...

And it freaked me out!

I really wanted to get a nice breakfast to take it easy and chat about anything that morning. But I reached the bottom of your well too quickly.

There was no water there.

It really freaked me out!

Then, you called me when I was sick. Really sick! I told you it wasn't the best time to talk. It was completely honest. A few days later, coming back from my Christmas party in Toronto, I got a message from my brother. You called. I didn't call back. I figured I'd call later.

I reported the call until now. Until it wasn't necessary.

You probably thought and told your friends I was one of those jerks who said beautiful things, got what he wanted and dumped the girl.

Besides, you laughed, I was impotent half the time!

And you were completely right.

We didn't fit. To every level. It simply didn't work. So many hints, yet it took me time to realize it. I decided not to call you anymore. It wasn't worth it.

It was so obvious that you didn't call back. I wasn't worth it.

We were right, just not for each other.



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