Kobayashi Maru

Been a while I didn't use a Star Trek reference as a title. :o)

Okay, first of all, Happy Birthday, Charlotte! (I was reading one of my old posts to find a link for something when I read a reference to it, so I went to your blog to confirm and I'm apparently right on time! Yay!)

Didn't post serious stuff in a while, did I? Mostly pictures and the occasional tidbit. Well, it's happening now!

I can't sleep because I fucked up my schedule big time! So instead of sleeping 3-4 hours, then go to work, then come back home for a 3-4 hours nap, then to school, then again back home and not beeing able to sleep until quite late, thus continuing the vicious circle, I'll stay up all night and post a good thread, go to work, go to school, try to stay awake through the class and the evening, then go to sleep at a decent hour!

Pffff, already tired!

So, about school, I have nothing to say apart from the fact that midterms papers and exams are coming and I'm not quite ready.

I need to get the greatest grades possible if I want to get into Education next year! I still love my classes and most teachers are just plainly interesting. My fellow students are quite cool too.

About Work? Hum, well, I'm cleaning houses.

Yep, I'm a housekeeper again! But this time, I clean private toilet bowls...

Great...

But it isn't actually that bad. I get paid well, I don't pay taxes, I do my own schedule and chose my contracts. I do have a few contracts with my mom (I started by helping her out on her contracts), but I got a few ones on my own. It's shitty but mindless, so you bring your iPod and a little booklet to write some ideas down and there you go!

The downside? Sometimes my mom will rant about anything in the car while we're getting to the houses. And she'll constantly talk about the same stuff: Weather, brother, school, girls...

About girls?

Hum, I've been seeing a girl named Stéfanie for a while. Before planting, after planting. We're not what I'd call a serious couple and I wouldn't want to be.

Oh, wait, here she is:



Yep, she's taller than me.



I love that pic! Her friend snapped it while they were in Europe this summer.

Anyways, my problem is the following:

A few days ago, she asked what "we" were. She said she hadn't any problems with the current "non-status" of our relationship, but that she couldn't stay in the limbos forever!

Traduction: She wants me in or she's out.

I asked her what she wanted, she said she didn't know. Of course, the question was returned and I answered honestly: I never thought about it because I like the statu-quo I'm in. No relationship, no obligations, but still someone nice and fun to see a few times a week. Simple. Efficient. The best of both worlds!

But it can't stay that way forever, because I'm not alone in this. The win-win situation turn into a lose either-way one. The Kobayashi Maru scenario!

We could work something out, for sure, but it would be complicated. I've been through complicated relationships before. I'm not saying no to a serious girlfriend, just not now.

But it brought the real question: Do you love me?

No, I guess, but that was not a surprise. She said she didn't either. But that it could happen, or could have had. There is no passion between us, according to her. We're already an old couple!

I agree! But how can you get passion without love? And I don't want love! It's just not the right time...or the right [insert obvious conclusion here].

Stéfanie is ready to keep the statu-quo going for now, since she doesn't know what she wants and says it works fine with her, but in the long-term, it can't. So I'm fucked up about it. I don't want something I don't want nor do I want to hurt her. (I still like her very much!) I don't want to be an asshole either, not again! ;o)

Now, I'm a littlefucked up about what I want from this relationship, and from a girl in general. Then, it made me question about school, work, my appartment, the bills and my other responsibilities...I felt the need to leave, travel, even go back to Banff!

But it would be flying, avoiding. Not only the relatioship, but everything else in my life. I've done that enough. What I need is to face this situation. Will I have to get out completely? If so, can we stay friends? If I don't pull out, can the status quo really work, now? I don't think so. And getting more involved is not an option, not now, not for me (I know I'm being repetitive).

So I need to think, and to talk.

Stéfanie, I know you've been reading this blog before, sorry if you read this, but I had to clear my mind. (doesn't look like it, does it?) Besides, there's nothing you didn't know here. And I'll talk to you tonight. I'd like to see you actually! (And just ignore this, but I don't think it will happen my way)

So, that's about it for the serious stuff.

Last weekend, my friend Mathieu had a huge party at his appartment, in collaboration with his downstairs neighbours. They had TWO floors of party, with a huge roof-top patio in Mat's place and a huge dancefloor below (with a DJ, a bar and waiters!) in that huge room the neighbours got with their appartment. (They have at least 3 times the total space we've got at my home for cheaper than us, the bastards!)

I brought a few friends and we had a great time. The STUNTMAN TEQUILA posted yesterday were taken that night. Here's a few more shots, not the best and not many; I was quite drunk and didn't want to lose/break my camera as it happened many times before:



The downstairs bathroom line. The secret? You had to go upstairs!



The colorful bunch: Anne-Marie, Tremblay(his last name, the most frequent in Québec and Canada, my mom is one too), Marie-Michelle and Valérie.



Catherine and Mat doing a fine job (especially Mat) representing RBC Royal Bank, an old employer of mine and still my dad's only adult job.



Is there anything that does more "aunt" than dancing around your handbag? Seriously? My camera bag sits proudly on the top.



A bunch of people



Another bunch of people. Note Anne-Marie, Stéphane, Val and Marie-Michelle being the only colored shirts...



With Anne-Marie in Mat's wonderful pink kitchen! You should see their solution to hide the color: A bunch of FHM, Stuff and Maxim girls! Great stuff to eat your cereals in the morning! Kind of tasteless, really!



A sleepy Tremblay, and Léo showing his hairy chest!

Tomorrow, I'll post the pictures I took while coming back home the next morning.

Morning! Already?

Time to go eat some cereals...tasty ones!