Latent Image

I just came posting those pictures while my laundry is drying at the laundromat, I thought I had my other memory card with better pictures, but apparently not. Apart from the first one, taken from the bus, on my way to Banff from Calgary, the pictures were taken minutes ago.



First glance at the Rockies from the Prairies...



Cascade mountain from downtown Banff.



Rendall mountain from downtown Banff.



Sulphur mountain from...you guessed it, downtown Banff!

Before leaving, I just want to say I went downhill with my rollerblades from the summit of Tunnel mountain road (the smallest mountain around Banff)...It was crazy! I'll have to do it again, less slalom next time! I filmed myself, too bad I can't post the movies on the blog.

Will post again a longer post with better pictures in a few days, until then, enjoy yourselves!

Initiations

Back in Banff, back to work, back to my room.

Still it is different, not in an negative way, but there is only three people I know from when I left still working at the Banff Voyager Inn, two of them just got hired. I got back into the social life, meeting new friends as it can only happen in Banff...An interesting thing, I got back in town at 3PM, by 5PM, I already received the visit of three friends that were in town but not working at the BVI...Banff is a big small town...

I was able to get my old room back, two days after coming back to the staff accomodation, it's leaving season here in Banff, the town is emptying from students going back to school. I'm looking forward to the new people coming in because we are understaffed right now. I'm now a housekeeper because the houseman loves his job and doesn't look like he'll give it away. It's allright, I like housekeeping now, much more tips than the old job, mostly thanks to the Japanese tourists! ??(EDIT: I wrote thanks in Japanese, but it might get out on your browser as interogation marks...Well, you got the intention didn't you????)!

As for anything else, I took stunnng pictures of the mountains through the clouds, with their newly acquired snow caps...I'll post them next time though, not enough time! I need to adjust old posts too, some treeplanting pictures are not accessible on the blog anymore, but they can be accessed trough my picture library (look in the links...)

I also got a cold, too much partying, not enough sleep (I already got a night with no sleep at all, despite promisses of the contrary...), not used to the mountains dryness, wearing a t-shirt at 1AM is already not a good idea anymore here...

That's it for me, a lot of stuff to do, gotta enjoy my day off...and I need to take a crap!

P.S: Charlotte, I have a sibling and a half, my brother Olivier, 20 years old, and my little half-sister, Andrée-Anne, 6...

So Long and Thanks for the Fish!

I'm leaving back to Banff! Thanks everybody, sorry for the people I didn't see enough of! Thanks Jee, Viki and Caro for last night, it was great!

Here's a few pictures taken two days ago at my dad's, featuring my lil' sis' Andrée-Anne, my dad, Jacques, and myself...









I'm gone, 56 hours of bus are awaiting! Damn!

Shore Leave

I'm leaving for Banff on Wednesday morning. I look forward to be back there, but not that much either.

I feel numb. No strong emotions of any kind. Don't feel passionate about anything righ now and I would say it sucks if I felt like it did...Well, I know it should.

I felt like telling the details of my last days, but it just isn't important. I should tell when I'm doing extraordinary stuff I feel like sharing, not all the boring tidbits of my ordinary life. Apart from me, who cares about that? And nobody should, get a life if it's the case!!!

I'm not really pissed, I'm just too lazy to post. Besides, it's true I shouldn't post about trivialities...I wanted to post about that movie for fuck sake's, talk about shit!

I was supposed to go hang out with Greig and Brooke tonight, but I came back from dinner at my dad's too late to go out. I'm too tired. Sorry guys, I'll try to find a way of seeing you tomorrow...No promises, I suck at those...

Allright, I'm out of here, I'm tired and it's only 12:24AM, I'll finally go to bed early! Maybe being tired might explain the way I feel, maybe leaving everything behind, on hold, again...

Damn!

Wink of an Eye

For about two weeks, thanks to the roller skates I bought from Jee, I've been back on the halfpipe. It was not hard to get the basics again, but the tricks are a little slow to come back...It's highly enjoyable though, mostly since I usually go to the Jarry skatepark at about 2-3AM, meaning I have the place for myself, nice and quiet.

Here's some pictures I took thanks to my cam's timer. It was a long and arduous job, since I had to time my backs and forths in the ramp to be in the frame. I also risked breaking my camera; I had to balance it on a thin handrail that was about 12 feet over the asphalt ground.



That was a really nice grind.



Another one, doesn't look as good, but it was actually pretty cool.



I was disappointed with that picture. I went quite high, but I saw the flash while going down.



And the artsy shot. It was actually my first try, at rail level...not showing a lot.

There's one problem with the Jarry skatepark: It is located in the same park as the Stade Uniprix (previously known as the Jarry Stadium, the first home of the now-defunct MLB's Montréal Expos back when the franchise started in 1969), currently hosting the Rogers Men Tennis Cup, a U.S. Open Series tournament. Useless to say that there is a lot of police patrols, trying to secure the place for the big names and crowds.

One night, I was smoking a bowl when a police minivan passed by. I decided to remain still, sitting on the halfpipe platform. It is quite dark so you have to really focus on the ramp to see anything so they didn't notice me. And despite passing by frequently, they don't really care about the skatepark, they mostly focus on the stadium's parking, just beside, and the numerous paths leading through the park to the Tennis areas. Of course, after the thrid patrol within half an hour, you're sick of always looking around and you leave. Last night wasn't as bad, but I'm not risking smoking pot up there anymore.

Allright, time to go think of something to do tonight.

For the World is Hollow and I Touched the Sky

I just remembered a discussion I had on MSN with a friend that is actually in Thailand. She was freaking out because the boy she was travelling with, whom she met while planting trees, was still dealing with his old relationship. She didn't know which stance to take, being a listening, albeit jealous friend or dare to express her feelings a little more.

While giving her advice (I always was better with others problems than mine. But then, who isn't?), I realized that when you are getting out of a recent, sore relationship, you reach a point where you'll have the choice between getting over the past and embrace new possibilities or stuck to your old feelings in the slight hope that you might get that back, no matter how improbable it is.

So what I found out is that's where I am now. And I decided to forget the past. I gave it a though in the last days and I don't really feel like holding to my recomforting, if depressing feelings toward Amy. I might be wrong, I probably am, but I feel like I'm naturally getting out the no-win situation, it's not force anymore, more genuine. Thanks Laura, I guess you didn't realize the chat helped me too!

I think it is important to mention that I don't feel that way because I have a rebound, because I'm growing feelings for somebody else. It's not the case. I mean, Viky is great and all, but I'm leaving and I really don't feel anything close to love for her, mostly friendship and some physical attraction. What's great is that I learned today that she feels the same way, she would probably not even date me if we both stayed here! I first thought I would, and it worried me, but it might have been because I didn't want to take advantage of her or the situation. What I thought might be emerging feelings was probably mostly stress of not wanting to do harm or messing up. Now I actually feel much better about that. One thing resolved!

I spoke with Carolyne, she's the one who told me those details (Why? I have a theory, but I really don't care) and everything seems to be okay. She still thinks I'm a jerk in my sexual or emotional relationships, but I'm also a great friend (And I am! This was a modesty moment). It's also mostly because she was relieved to learn that Viky doesn't really care whatsoever about me. I told you that girl knew what she wanted!

I love not being loved! (Just kidding on that one...)

Oh, I had another reason to post this message, here's a link to the Toronto Star article done by a photojournalist who visited our camp, as requested by a few of you. The videos are great, they give some insight on what is life like in the bush, mostly the wake-up calls... done with a chainsaw! The photo montage is also neat, there is one picture almost identical to one I took, we actually can see my camera in his shot. There is also a picture of me in action on the dance floor...Priceless.

It was nice to see a new perspective on familiar grounds and faces. It was like seeing the buddies again. Anyway, enough ranting, here's the link.

Time to go drink with J-S!

What Are Little Girls Made Of?

The last few days were eventful...

They were also fun...

But I'm damn tired! It probably didn't help that I just wasted the whole night doing the stupid montage you can see above and figuring out how to set it in my template without looking too ugly. Not sure about it, any inputs?

As for the last few days, I went to a CFL football game between the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Montréal Alouettes on August 4th. The Als won easily 42-13. It was a great game, Jee got incredibly well-seated tickets from his job. We ended up at the St-Sulpice pub with his co-worker friend Dave, a great guy! Here's a few pictures:



Me, Jee, Dave and [...], also known as Dave's anonymous friend.



The mandatory cheerleaders picture. (I don't really give a fuck about those girls. I won't say "honestly" because nobody will believe me...more on that later)



The stadium's beautiful view on the Mont-Royal and parts of the McGill University campus, known in Canada as the most pretentious university in the country. Brooke, Greig, you know I'm kidding but I also know you wouldn't necessarily protest.

The day after, I went to play fooseball with J-S, my ex³ Stéphanie (it's been such a long time ago that I should just call her a friend, instead of using exponential numbers...) and her best friend Annie. I just have one thing to say about fooseball: I suck! It was fun though, I enjoyed loosing 30-something game and then win the last 3 ones (I had help and pity on my side). Happily we also played a few games of pool, which is closer to my interests despite one thing: I suck!!! The night ended up by a toking session at Annie's house in St-Eustache. Not much to say about that, here's a proof:



Steph and J-S stoned on the couch...petting a dog. That really is just it.

And then the weekend came and Viky invited me to a party. Most of the people up there were Viky's sisters, brothers and cousins and I have to admit I had a great time, despite abusing greatly of alcohol. I puked for most of Sunday, while still under Viky's hospitality... Starting to feel better around 8PM (but worst about my behaviour), I gave Viky a lift to her soccer game and ended up watching the whole thing. She rocks, but soccer is still boring...

Since then, we went on a few dates and, as said before, I had a few hesitations due to her age, experience and mostly our status as non-permanent residents of the Montréal area. Basically, I didn't want to fuck her up.

It became clear quite fast that she actually is a balanced and mature individual that knows what she wants. Unfortunately, Carolyne, my ex-ex, who actually introduced us decided that Viky was naïve, that she would end up hurt by my abuses and that I was an asshole, a jerk, a liar and that I was fucking everything that moves (That, is giving me far too much credit...and stamina!). Well, that's what she told me on the phone last evening, maybe the part she kept to herself is not as nice.

So I decided to make sure of everything and I called Viky to get the pulse on what's happening. As I said, Viky is quite mature and reasonable and got a pretty good grasp on the situation. She'll move to Sherbrooke soon, will meet a lot of people and she's quite young, and therefore is just beginning to experiment life on her own. We'll stay friend, keep in touch, but that's it. It would be stupid to keep a long distance relationship going, but why not enjoy the time together until we're leaving? Carolyne thinks I should have restrained myself from doing anything. She thinks I'll make a wreck out of Viky. Well, I think Viky can handle herself, and I wouldn't take advantage of her, almost nothing happened anyway.

On the other hand, I know why Caro did that. First, because she have a protective approach to her friendship with Viky. Second, because she just broke up with her French boyfriend (she was actually calling me in regards to him when she went berserk on me) and third, because Carolyne needs to make other people feel shitty when she does, and she's quite good at it. She didn't have the right to tell me what to do and she again brought some old stuff from our time together. She might still be upset about what I did to her and thinks I didn't change a bit. I tried to explain to her the situation, but she was trying to win a yelling match, not an argument.

It was nice though, it reminded me of the good ol' days!

As for the rest of the evening, I spent it at Jee's place, doing nothing (or a lot, but without results) with great skills, of course under the influence of some pretty good Bovril (That's code-talking. You know, like people that talk with codes, that use codes to talk. They are, like, talking, but in a coded way...Pffff, I should really go to bed).

I think it summarizes the last days pretty well, but I really need to be more frequent and concise in my postings. Pillow time!



P.S: Is there something wrong with my writing style? I feel like my posts are written by a retard every time I dare to read one...Wait a minute, am I a retard?

A Piece of the Action

I'll edit and rewrite this post later, I'm too tired to do it right now...

Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places

I saw Must Love Dogs tonight. It's not a joke! But I have a good enough reason: I was high!

We ("We" being Carolyne, Viky and me, or Dali and Fidji as they are known to kids in Laval's parks...) originally wanted to see Aurore, the remake of a 50's Québec movie (No, Québec film industry didn't avoid the remake trend!), but while watching the trailers, being stoned, we started not feeling like watching a movie about child-beaters, mostly when you just saw the trailer of another Québec movie about the same basic subject. (What the fuck!?! Is it a new Québec movie category, "Child-Beating Drama?") Then we saw the trailer for Must Love Dogs and it sounded funny.

As I said, we were high! It was the dumbest idea I ever had, apart from POWDERED WATER® - Just Add Water!!!™ -

But we laughed, despite the really, but I mean really bad jokes and cheesy, but really cheesy shit! I'm not against romantic movies or "chick flicks", I'd sometimes watch those alone, but that one...Fuck!

Okay, being stoned wasn't good enough of an excuse. You can judge me.

The cool part is that I've got Viki's number. It was the highlight of the night! Now, what the fuck must I do with it? I'm leaving in less than 2 weeks and I don't want to fuck things up! I think I'll try the friends way; She is leaving for university in Sherbrooke in September, and I'm going back to Banff. It just makes sense. She might also not be quite experimented in terms of relationships and I'm not that much of an asshole! She seems really interesting though!

Time to go ponder and be judged by those who didn't get over the fact that I saw Must Love Dogs! Oh my god, I did see it!!!

In Purgatory's Shadow

Yesterday's post was about my re-emerging feelings for Amy. They never were hidden really deep, they were just easier to conceal while being away at the other end of the country or deep in the woods. Seeing her, did bring her back to the surface. I didn't feel completely shitty, she just was in my mind more than I wanted, including in a party last weekend where I could easily have thought about other stuff (or girls...)

I wrote her a email yesterday, it was exactly the same as the post I published minutes before. I didn't expect to send it, but I did without really thinking. She wrote me back, another cryptic message saying that she also felt strange and that she will always love me. Everybody can aknowlede that it isn't doesn't look like a sane situation. So we aknowledge to see each other again and we were able to have the real needed talk. I won't go into the details, far too complicated from my perspective, which means I'd do a shitty job explaining it. I don't think it's worth it anyway getting stuck in that whole mess, trying to interpret it from every possible aspect.

The important thing is, nothing will change, she loves Lars and see herself with him for a long time and that's what I needed to hear. It's easier to make my part of the job now. And we can focus on a friendship now, if it's really something that can work. I have the weird feeling that it won't be enough, feels like that friendship comes with something else; Amy was more than just a lover while I was with her, she was more than just a friend, she was also more than family, she was the whole package, my litteral other half. But then, it's not easy, but you can learn to live with only half of yourself. And over time, you'll fill the gap again, by yourself or with somebody else's help.

I actually had a good time tonight and I feel much better. She's leaving tomorrow with Lars to L.A. to see his family. I might be gone when they'll be back, I bought my ticket to Banff yesterday, 2 weeks in advance. I have to admit that I still can't wait to be there!

I then went for a beer and late night snack (A huge, family-size poutine at Lafleur's! And it was a great one, let me tell you!) with Brooke and Greig. Brooke is back from a year studying in Argentina and she looked great! Greig seemed like he was quite happy that she was back too. They are moving together on August 15th and I promised to help them move. I owe them one since last time Brooke moved, I kind of screwed up by not showing (This story also involves me cheating on Amy). Anyway, it'll probably be one of my last chance of seeing them before leaving and it sounds like they've got an incredible appartment, so I want to see that! I'll be there guys, I swear!

Time to go get some practice at sleeping...

The Paradise Syndrome

I don't know what to say, to write, to think!
I know what I fucking feel, but I don't know how, now, I'm supposed to feel.
I know what to do.

Rest, then leave and leave it to rest.

Again.



P.S: Bonne fête Olivier!